Bugger!

Well, we've had some bad news...

Our gorgeous house, in the gorgeous village, in the gorgeous Languedoc - has structural issues that are outside our renovation budget.

I am so sad. I watched the videos prepared by our amazing surveyor, Clive from Renosud, and I actually felt pretty positive. The main part of the house (at the front) is in pretty good repair, the windows need a bit of tlc but are solid, the roof structure is excellent - but...

This ruddy great crack in the original, older part of the house at the back is, as you can see, a bit buggered.

It wouldn't even take that much money to do all the structural stuff that needs doing - if you have a good credit rating or additional savings - but Aidan and I don't have the luxury of that after a rather messy financial life up until now because of my health issues causing chaos as I tried to get and stay in work, then crashed ad infinitum.

It is so frustrating and I must confess to being a little bit heartbroken. I know this little house will find a buyer with the money to spend and they will get an absolute bargain for their money - it just pushes us in a place we don't want to be. We are finally debt free after years of hell - and neither of us is willing to put ourselves into a tricky situation, ever again.

With something like this, it can start out being 30,000€ but that is just the wall, adding windows and a door to that back wall, and doing some work to ensure the roof stays good. By the time we have then taken down inner walls, added new ones where we want them, completely redone the electrics and plumbing, put in a bathroom and a kitchen, there's still the easy decorating and furniture to do. And then there is the ruin next door, which it would probably be advisable to try and get hold of in order to make sure it doesn't encroach upon our house.

We felt that in all honesty, it could take us years to get the place habitable, and in the condition we would need it to be in to either let it out or turn it into a B&B. So, with regret, we will keep searching, keep saving - and praying that we will find out dream home someday!

I am exhausted by all the emotions I've gone through in the past weeks, so am going to give myself time to get over it. I need a few French-house-free months I think, so am putting the hunt on hold while I try and get my focus back onto real life. I have work to be doing, which will put money in the kitty, and plenty of furniture to upcycle and get ready for when we do finally find the house to put it in.

So, my office has temporarily become a workshop (and is covered in dust because I've been sanding things down today!) I love pottering about with wooden things. I love seeing the effect of each process - and the change from ugly and humdrum to something special

This was a plain, orangey pine bookcase. I am hoping that when I finish it, it will be just a little bit more pretty. I've added a trim of great tits and flowers across the front, painted it white and am sanding down a few bits which I will wax to protect the wood. Am pretty sure it is going to be lovely - and the work I've done will hopefully tie it in with the cabinet whose doors are on top of the chest of drawers which have had a bit of an upgrade.

I have already completed some pieces over the years which are in gorgeous wood and white, as well as the predominantly sage green display cabinet. I never entirely liked the stencilling, so have gone for a lovely decoupage on the doors now of birds and flowers. I have a sideboard, a small dresser and the chest of drawers in the photo above to work on - as well as a dull, flat-pack set of fabric drawers which will look a lot nicer after a decoupage makeover!

I am looking forward to getting covered in paint and glue, sawdust and creating chaos, to create some truly unique pieces for our new home.

Don't go anywhere, France - we are coming, just may take a little longer than we originally hoped!