Gaaaagh!!!!

I have spent most of the day driving myself bonkers (when I wasn't doing the housework - though that usually makes me a bit crazy and definitely brain-foggy too because it wears me out!)

To buy a holiday home - or a permanent home, that is the question!

It is really difficult to make a decision when you can't go and actually view property in person. I've been trawling Google Street View around the villages and towns where the properties I like best are. I've taken virtual car rides through the local countryside - and I am now utterly befuddled as to where I want to be.

I started looking at the local areas around the properties I posted about the other day. I discovered the the actual town of Châtelus-Malvaleix is lovely. I can't actually see the hamlet where the house we are interested in is situated, but the local area is green and lovely - a bit like Essex, where we live now. I also now have the floorplan of the house, and it is a bit concerning, as there doesn't look to be much hope in changing it - and would mean that to make it liveable as a home, rather than a holiday home, we would have to extend into the barn - which would mean no hope of setting up a b&b or a gîte in there. we would be utterly reliant on the land to create our campsite.

The Pontarion house is actually fully visible from Google Street View, I checked out the walled garden and the land across the lane, and the cracks coming down from under the roof in the outer walls - which started to make me a bit anxious. Aidan and I are both pretty handy and can learn a lot of skills - but I'm just not sure that we will have the kind of money needed to actually repair anything structural and then make the house into a home. This would mean less money to set up the campsite, or make changes to the layout inside the house so we could create letting rooms - giving us no business options for many years.

And then there is our beloved Languedoc. A place we felt at home in from the very first moment - one full of rugged mountains and chateaux, gorgeous blue skies and fantastic food and wine. It is nothing like Essex - not even when the sun's out!

We have to decide if our move is just about moving, for moving's sake - or if it is about being somewhere different, somewhere stunningly beautiful. French culture is different to our own - and no matter where we are in France we will notice that difference. But do we want a stark contrast in our outlook too?

I find myself wondering if, given there are so many reasons to stay in the UK at least for a few more years (my parents, Bob, the chance to improve Aidan's French, staying in work and building up the pension pots a little bit) that perhaps it might be best to buy ourselves a holiday home now, in the area we love, and see what comes out of it. There are 3 properties that we have our eye on in the Languedoc, but as they are only small properties with little or no outdoor space, they would not suit a permanent move - but they might just be perfect to ease ourselves in more gradually.

My lovely Mum is now in a care home, dementia has taken much of her away, but she seems happy enough in her little world. My Dad is adjusting to life without her. My sister and I wanted to move them both down from Norfolk somewhere closer to us, probably in Hertfordshire near her as she's only a few miles from where we all lived when we were kids. Dad would have plenty of friends and family on tap, and lots to do.

But I'm not sure how well he'd cope with it if we upped and left for France on top of everything with Mum - and I'd feel shitty leaving my sister to deal with everything alone that they both need us to do for them now.

So, in many ways it is a good thing that I am somewhat thwarted in my ADHD tendency towards leaping before I look on this. The enforced delay is driving me bonkers - but at least it means I can't take action right away. I am having to stop and consider things really carefully - and I am getting more and more convinced that buying somewhere in the place we love most will be the sensible thing to do. We can always look for a wreck to do up in a few years time, when we are ready to fully make the move abroad!