It's a strange and peculiar time!

I've been a little bit flarey over the past few weeks, which is why there have been no posts since 3rd May, but in the past few days a lot has happened.

My lovely Dad was taken into hospital yesterday with what we thought was a second stroke - but thankfully wasn't. He is very poorly with a UTI, a chest infection, delirium and a kidney injury, but it seems that they are all treatable so we are keeping everything crossed that he will be ok. I just spoke with him on the phone, and he sounds rotten. I just want to be able to give him a hug - but I can't.

It is absolutely horrible that we can't go and see him and let him know we're there, but we have to abide by the rules which are there for our safety, his safety and the staff at the wonderful QEH in King's Lynn's safety. I know that both my sister and I feel so helpless, as there is literally nothing we can do, other than call him occasionally and pass on messages from concerned friends and family.

The world is on hold, and I don't have any problem with that being the case - or at least I didn't until now. Now all I want to do is get in my car, drive to Norfolk and sit by my Dad's bedside holding his hand. I hate thinking that he is there alone, without anyone. When my Mum was in hospital before Christmas I felt bad, because I physically wasn't well enough to be there that much, but now I am not even allowed to be there on the good days. It sucks.

I feel so bad for anyone out there right now who has a loved one sick, that they can't be with. It makes you feel so impotent, and the thought that someone you care for is going through something horrendous without support is shit. The ward staff are amazing and we are so grateful for them, but it isn't the same as having your family there.

The worst part of it though, is that Aidan and I had literally just found the house we hope and pray is going to be our French forever home as the call came through telling us he was sick. It made me feel so guilty, knowing I had been planning a new, exciting part of my life when he was lying on the floor in his bungalow, alone, having had a fit and fallen - to be found by his wonderful cleaner. It almost felt as if I was being punished for daring to dream.

But, I know that he would be the first person to tell me to live my life the best way I can, that life is too short to not follow your dreams. I won't deny, it, but I have had my doubts about whether or not we should move - given the situation with my parents. They moved to Norfolk, and now it is really difficult for us to try and sort care and be there for them. If we move to France, that difficulty will be even greater.

And, I don't mean for us in regards to coming back for them. I mean it, should anything happen to Aidan and myself, and we need assistance. We don't have children, and wouldn't expect my sister and her husband or theri kids - or any of Aidan's siblings and their many children to have t care for us - so we are going to have to think very carefully about our exit plan, should we need one. Do we make pro-active plans regarding what should happen to us if we end up like Mum, with dementia, or like Dad in need of almost constant hospitalisations for infection after infection.

As you can see from the picture above, the house is a typical French terraced house, in a lovely village in the Limousin. It would have been discounted if I had stuck strictly to our search criteria, as it only has a small garden, and no land to set up a glamping site. It only has 3 bedrooms, but there is an attic that can be converted, so we hope that it may still be possible to make a B&B out of it - but even if we don't, and it is just a holiday home for a few years, we don't mind.

Because, hidden behind the plain Jane exterior, is this...

I have wanted to live by a lake, so I can swim outside every single day of the year for as long as I can remember. This house does not fit the bill we had in mind for a business venture - but for a dream home, it comes pretty damn close! So, we have taken a huge risk, and have put in an offer on it - without seeing it and before our surveyor has been to check it over, because I will not take the risk of losing this gorgeous house and access to a lake from my own back garden!