Up days and down days!

Thank heavens for my small and furry beasty. Bob is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes!

Right now, I feel like I am being pulled in a million directions at once - but he has the most wonderful way of dragging me back to the here and now.

He always needs feeding and attention!

Dad is still very poorly. We still can't go and see him. The news from the hospital is cautiously optimistic - but it is so hard not knowing, not being able to go and give him a hug, and in recent days to not even be able to talk to him as the ward he is currently on has no mobile that can be taken to the bedside.

I am a worrier. I stress about pretty much everything, so having him there and my Mum in a care home (who are amazing and doing everything they possibly can to keep the residents safe - love you Delph House!) I am a jibbering wreck! This is, in turn, affecting my sleep - which is never good at the best of times - which in turn makes me more prone to all the other symptoms I have, especially the digestive issues and makes my connective tissues a bit more unstable, and my joints a lot more achey. I have had headache after headache, though thankfully only the one migraine, and I wake up with a minor nose-bleed pretty much every day right now. Am wobbly and heartrate is bonkers!

But, around all of that, I am trying to stay positive. My Dad is a stubborn old devil, and such a fighter. If anyone can come through all of the horrible shit he's going through, it is him.

This picture was taken on his 80th birthday, almost two years ago. He was a carpenter, and I made him a toolbox cake, with icing tapemeasure, tools and the ubiqitous pencil he always kept behind his ear. He was a real artisan, and has made some incredible things in his time. I am hoping he will approve of the work I will be doing to our house in France, when we buy it and can get there to start. It would be even more amazing if he could come out and see it.

Sadly, our surveyor has been in the UK because he lost his mother-in-law recently and won't be able to get back to France until the end of the month at the earliest. So, I am scrambling to find someone else who can go and check out our gorgeous lakeside retreat quickly so we can end the uncertainty as to whether the property will or won't become our forever home.

My sister and I are real Daddy's girls, so both of us are finding it tough not being able to be with him. Claire is a nurse, too, which is helpful because it means she can talk hospital with the nurses and doctors and make sense of all the stuff they are telling us. I'm really proud of her. She has worked so hard, and has done really well - as well as giving me two amazing nieces who just make me smile all the time.

Our family isn't 'in your pocket' close, but we do love each other a lot. I will miss them when we do make the move to France, even though we don't see them very often now - but hope they will come and visit us in our little house often. I want to keep the connection we seem to have rebuilt in the last few years, as we've had to pull together more to take care of our parents as their health has deteriorated.

We will also miss our wonderful friends, who I hope will be excited for us. I don't know when we will be able to make the move permanent, or how it will turn out, but it is looking increasingly more likely that Bob is going to have to learn to chase French mice and watch French Cat TV!